Archive for January, 2010
The clue is in the word itself - January 20th, 2010

I slept like a baby last night… two hour intervals interrupted by inexplicable crying fits before shitting my pants and smiling…

Every now and then i forget how to breathe. I know it sounds like a family guy episode gone wrong. “Hey Lois! This is worse than that time i forgot how to breathe!” But seriously i do. It’s only certain situations that trigger it and i’m not always aware. It may be like a really hot chick sitting next to me on a tube or something and i become really conscious about breathing. Just act normal. Wait what are you doing? Are you breathing heavier? She’s going to know you think she’s hot! Stop it! Breathe normally! etc. And no matter how hard i try i can’t make it return to normal. I start breathing in and doing this “In…one Mississippi…two Mississippi…out!” crap.

A vacuous husk of a woman - January 6th, 2010

H&M is not the place for sprint cyclists and hockey players. Seriously, even with my gut i can wear a slim-fit business shirt and the cut is good…but slim-fit trousers? I have to go up to twice my waist size before i can get my legs in without looking like the frontman of a britpop article band…

It feels like ages since i’ve written anything so i might be a little rusty. Sort of like Basketball at the moment. I’d love to see the German’s i play with, play a game with a full referee – it would be hilarious. It’s not a foul if you lose the ball people…these are called steals and turnovers. I’ve also read an incredible piece of tedium from Squires which may have dulled my creative abilities in telling a tale so apologies up front…it’s all on your shoulders mate.