The only positive i can think of with regards to early shifts is that the peasants in my suburb haven’t had a chance to set the daily smouldering fire that is the cigarette part of the rubbish bin at the top of the stairs before heading down into the underground station. Trust me when i tell you that there is nothing quite like the smell of burning tar-soaked filters to get you focused on the day ahead. Tantalises the nose hairs…

You know who really gets on my mammaries…people who get off the train and light up a fag while still on the platform or in the station. You see those signs that say ‘no smoking’…they are the same ones that were on the train a second ago that you obeyed and refrained from smoking. So what happened when you got off the train? Suddenly grew some minerals did you? I bet you’re the kind of plastic revolutionaries who stand to get their overhead luggage while the seatbelt light is still on and the plane is still taxiing? Turn on your mobile before getting into the terminal? Probably don’t pay tv licence either do you? I don’t either but you probably shit yourself when the door rings right? You probably own one or more pieces of Che Guevara paraphernalia too…like a poster or t-shirt or satchel made from hemp…I’m sure Che see’s you as a kindred spirit in the way you are constantly sticking it to the man. Fucking r’tards…

I had to look up how to spell the plural forms of mammary and revolutionary…i may be getting dumber. I did double check the spelling of taxiing but i was right the first time so it’s not an epidemic just yet.

Have you ever been in the pissoir and noticed someone flush before they begin to pee? Exactly how busy is this person that they need to race against the clock and be done with peeing before the water finishes flushing? And you know it can’t be a full proper flush then…the water that’s left has got to be at least part pee or some percentage of pee, otherwise the flushing process wouldn’t need to be as long as it is. There’s a reason behind the length of the flush…why fuck with it? Just pee…flush and walk away. You don’t need to stay and monitor the situation. This guy came into the gents at work the other day and washed his hands BEFORE going to take a piss. Now that is care for one’s genitalia. He could probably eat off the thing…i bet that’s what he tells the missus anyway!

My sister’s sleep therapist gave some tips on getting a good night’s sleep. I have duly noted them and responded in kind:

• Have 30-40mins of direct sunlight (no sunglasses) as soon as I wake up (eg. go for walk, have breakfast on balcony etc)   (It’s dark when i leave for work and dark when i get home. There is also snow on my balcony.)
• Avoid bright lights at night (only dim lighting/ candles on)
• No computer or TV for 45mins before I go to bed (reading is ok)  (Dim lighting and candles and all you can do is read…so optometrist next then?)
• No hot showers at night  (it’s -5°, i’m not having a cold one…going to bed smelly then)
• No exercise at night  (oh if you insist…)
• No/ minimal alcohol at night time   (you added the minimal option in didn’t you?)
• Regular set bed time  (Provided they don’t mind me sleeping at my desk on early shifts i’m in)
• If you wake during the night, get out of bed & sit in a chair, programs your body to sleep when you are in bed  (also programmes your body to freeze in the aforementioned -5° temperatures)
• No more sleeping tablets
• No TV in bed, no checking of the clock  (Done! I don’t have a clock and i can’t see the tele from my bed)
• Keep a sleep diary  (Reads something like: “Went to bed usual time, eyes sore from reading in the dark. Woke up with sore back from sitting on a cold chair at 3am. Late for work cause couldn’t see what the time was without checking clock.”)

I acquired some more John Butler Trio recently…i suggest you buy it…

Tags: bathroom etiquette, Carly, Che Guevara, early shift, John Butler Trio, plastic revolutionaries, Sleep, sleep diary, smokers, Things that piss me off, Zebra

This entry was posted on Monday, February 15th, 2010 at 8:25 am and is filed under Ramblings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.