The Tomi Hendrix Experience

The best song about gang-rape ever - December 19th, 2010

Why can’t self-deprecating humour or observations be just what it says on the box? Why does it always have to be a cry for sympathy or reassurance? If i say my food poisoning was welcomed as i could probably do with losing a bit of weight…it is because i am probably 15 or 20 kilos over weight, not because i want the recipient of my humour to try to tell me I’m not. If i don’t think i’m technical enough to pass a techie interview that would be because i’m entirely self-taught and didn’t cover all the basics but skipped to the parts i actually use. I make independent observations about myself all the time, but when i tell other people about them it makes them uncomfortable and resort to stupid reassuring comments that mean fuck all to anyone with half a brain. Yet if i make these observations about someone else – oh that’s insightful, oh yeah i never thought of it like that, you know you’re right they do that because of that. I can’t be introspective? Maybe not with relationships…i’ll concede to that one but in everyday observations i can’t see why i can’t say the things that i do. It’s not me being depressed or a cry for help…im just pointing out cause and effect…

Why can’t we not be sober? - November 20th, 2010

Have you ever noticed how abstinence is the only thing that is regarded as an achievement that involves simply doing nothing. I did nothing today – You fucking lazy shit! I didn’t drink today – well done!

Have you ever watched old people? I mean not just watching them as they walk at an ever decreasing pace in front of you. I mean i walk slow but i’ve seen retarded, one-legged ants cover a greater distance than some of them. They would probably be able to move faster if they just jumped and let the earth’s rotation move underneath them. But i mean proper watched them from some vantage point? waiting for a train or something like that? Sooner or later they will stop and check what they’re doing…as if they are not 100% sure they should be doing it. Like when they randomly stop everyone around you at the airport to get their bag swabbed and you’re not really sure if you are allowed to walk through or they are going to call in special ops to hunt you down…

and now the end is near… - October 28th, 2010

Ok so I actually wrote this a few months ago but haven’t gotten around to posting it. Deal with it. So after a few less than comfortable flights i finally lucked out. Seated in 75E which probably doesn’t sound that good…except it’s actually the very last row in a 747, the center part…and there’s no one in 75G, F or D. That’s right folks…this little black duck has 4 seats to himself at the back of the plane. So at the moment i have what is left over of my beef ragout on the table to my left…my laptop on the table in front of me and a glass of red and my ipod on the table to my right…and the 4th table rested.

This one’s for you (31 Songs) - September 15th, 2010

Just as an aside…i started writing this the other day and put it off for a bit. So it’s in a totally different mood than now where i am sitting in Coogee Palace Hotel having a beer and usurping their free internet. I probably wouldn’t have written such a mundane post had i known. I think i would be arrested for perversion if i lived by the beach. You just can’t help it. It’s not even freaking summer yet. I feel dirty. She’s probably 16…ish.

Seems like I’ve been here before - September 8th, 2010

I’m pretty sure when i die they will discover that i had some sort of syndrome – Matt Syndrome – which was never discovered cause it didn’t affect people as violently and extreme as the syndromes which are discovered…it kind of just affected them a little bit…

Is it dangerous?
No ma’am, just bothersome…
What does it do?
You will feel eternally tired

Live from 34,000 feet – It’s Late Night with Tomi Hendrix! - September 6th, 2010

Forget everything else i told you. Forget everything else you know. Step away from the vehicle. There’s nothing to see here. I know i told you that i would recap via serial form the past few months…where did i leave off…May or June or something…forget it. It’s in the past…get with the now. I’ve been in some sort of weird slumber since March or April i think and i’ve finally come up for a breath of fresh air. We figured out today i’ve travelled more this year than Loid who works in the travel industry. I figure i’ve had about 5 or ten days maximum to myself in my flat since April. This shit is unfortunately real and i’ve got to come to terms with it fast.

Who’s the new guy? - August 8th, 2010

Hi, remember me? I don’t. Seems like ages since i’ve written on here. All of my one loyal fans noticed and it took him 3 weeks to hark up about it. That’s called dedication. Well i don’t know that it’s necessarily going to get much better. I’ve finished most of my travelling for the moment…June was ridiculous. But time is something i don’t have a lot of these days so it doesn’t look all that optimistic that i can write again anytime soon.

Should i stay or should i go? - May 16th, 2010

My website is up for renewal…The thing is it’s a little bit pricier than what i remember so now i have to face reality…do i really want to pay a tenner a month to “entertain” Squires and Marius once a week and my sister every three months or so? And i use the word “entertain” loosely…

I hate people that spell loser as looser! You sir are a loser! Courtney Love is looser. Actually Courtney Love is a looser loser.

What’s a foot doctor called? Podiatrist or Paediatrician? I need one, and i want to be sure i’m getting the right person. My feet are awful…one of them in particular. It has this kind of growth thing over the heel. i need about 3 months in flip-flops i think and am hoping to get a subscription for it. Havianas as a tax write-off…nice.

It’s been a while - April 28th, 2010

Apologies for not writing for a bit. I’ve reached a whole new level of being busy. It’s not any one thing i can put my finger on either…i’m just spread incredibly thin. I remember taking on an additional role at Einstein in a feeble attempt for more money and wondering if i would manage the extra workload. That worked out alright – well except the additional money part. I’ve just taken on a new role, which was not supposed to be an addition but rather a replacement at my current workplace. However, i don’t think anyone else got that memo as my old workload has increased with people increasingly going walkabout. Nothing particularly hard mind you, just time consuming when i would rather be learning my new role. Long story, long, that is why i’m not updating that frequently. Deal with it.

Something that is fungible - March 27th, 2010

I don’t have time at the moment to write much so to keep you occupied here’s one that made me chuckle a while ago.

It’s true, when i don’t sleep it turns into Squires’ blog. Random inside jokes. One-liners that probably require explanation even for the people involved. Huge chunks cut and pasted from another website. Unexplained and un-related lyrics to songs nobody else knows or even cares about… it’s great, at least you know you can have a day off at some day mate and i can cover for you!

Before i start my latest series of rants, this is not my fabled ‘next blog entry’. That would require time, patience and dedication of which i have next to none of at the moment.