Seriously people, it’s time to set an example for the kids. Be like Bono and think of the children. Don’t cross at the traffic lights when the lights are red…walk 20 meters further up the road and jaywalk instead. Don’t be lazy!

Predictive text didnt recognise “schmancy” as a word, as in Fancy Schmancy. Fair enough its not a word, but instead of just saying no it offers “Rainbowy” as an alternative??? That arc of light in the sky over there reflecting the full range of colours is very rainbowy.

I fucking hate catchphrase humour. A joke really hits it’s funnyness heights the first time an audience hears it. Each time after that is a sliding scale downwards. There are so many ways to say something in the English language, why choose to use the same words over and over again? Be imaginative. Create something. I haven’t liked mayonnaise for going on 29 years now. This is not really news anymore (if it ever was). Time for some new material people.

After a little deliberation i’m going to post a heavily edited version of the post i had originally written. Most of it was reaction to hearsay which is how rumours and everything like that spread and would put me in no better stead than the others. So until i can actually confirm what was said i’ll just have to take it on the chin and merely make a few directionless statements.

I don’t believe all opinions should be shared. I’m not pulling a Keano here with a ‘do as i say, not as i do’ approach, but i truly believe some ideas are best kept to oneself. That may sound a bit rich coming from someone who publishes rants on a blog, but i do my best to keep these at a general level, and not to preach. My opinions are my own and can be ignored…i do not suggest that my way of doing things is the right way and should be followed. I merely point out inconsistencies and hypocrisies that i see around me. Why do i publish them? Do i think people want to hear this? Judging by my fan base of 4 loyal readers i would say no. But given that i’m rarely allowed to speak long enough to build up a point, i need some other sort of outlet.

I like how some people appear to presume they are in a position to delve out suggestions from their own ‘guide to better living’ at will, on the assumption that is righteous, altruistic behaviour. Ok i understand the care and consideration a friend can show towards another friend when they are worried or thinks that person is heading down the wrong path, but i think there are serious limits to this approach which need to be considered. It is entirely subjective to say there is something wrong with someone else if the person in question has not asked for help themselves. To then go about creating theories on how to ‘solve’ or ‘fix’ this problem which may or may not exist seems to me a futile exercise in self-importance. Does it make you feel better to create a problem so that you can solve it? If it ain’t broke, it don’t need fixin.

Somebody get Ja Rule on the line…i need to make sense of this…

At times it feels like i am surrounded by dogs on heat. This overbearing ‘need’ to find women seems like borderline desperation to me. The amount of times i’ve had a conversation with someone recently where their eyes have drifted off to some tail, or they have just flat-out interrupted the conversation to make some schoolboy comment about a chick is alarming. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a fan of window shopping and checking out the local standards, but i don’t let it consume my being where i lose control over all my other functions. Each to their own i guess. My outlook on this topic has not really changed since i was a young’un in Australia. I loathe going out to ‘Pick up’ with a passion. I can’t stand it. This idea of going out with the solitary goal of ‘hooking up’ rather than, and often at the expense of enjoying yourself is beyond me.

I don’t think it’s necessarily an age thing as i’ve always thought this way, but perhaps more of a personal thing. I think that i look for girlfriends rather than shags. Sure everyone’s had the odd one night thing…i wouldn’t take it back, but wouldn’t necessarily throw myself willingly into it again either. Just as a girl may imagine herself with the boy’s surname when they are dating (old fashioned girls, not modern one’s who probably have an issue with this and are possiblly fully justified in thinking this, i just don’t care either way), if i hook up with a girl i am imagining going out with her. Hence why i probably wouldn’t go into some of my one night flings again. Hindsight is 20/20.

I find it hard to justify going to ‘pick up’ places, or joints where people go to meet girls – clubs etc. I cannot see myself dating someone who enjoys going to those places. The only way that could possibly work out is if she was in the same boat as me and was dragged along by her friends, loathes the places as well and see’s the only chance of meeting someone is if they hate the place too. The odds of this are not high. Probably as high as a nice girl turning up to the places i like to hang out at. Same chances, one place i enjoy, the other gives me hives…pretty simple decision to make.

The thing is, i just don’t need to go and pick up. I have no urge to. No desire. I am quite content with things at the moment. If a girl comes into my life, fine – i’ll welcome it, but i don’t need to go out and chase it. When i actively want to meet someone – if that ever happens – then i may have to adopt a different approach, but right now i am in no rush. So when i make plans to hang out at my place or a mate’s place, i’m obviously not trying to pick up anyone am i? You’d think then that it stands to reason that whatever extracurricular activities i pursue during these occasions have sweet fuck-all bearing on my ‘chances of picking up’? I mean i hate to bring logic to the party and all, but i think it missed the invite.

And yes this was the censored version…Moving along swiftly…

As we are on the topic of girls, i had been meaning to pictorially represent my top 5 hottest celebrities as discussed in Portugal. Unlike some vegans i know, my celebrities indeed have names, and are not just dehumanised pieces of meat (oh the irony). Who the fuck is Zac Efron anyway? Who’s he when he’s at home?

I am going to cheat a little though to make my life easier, and break it up into two categories – Music and Film/TV. Basically for no other reason than i get to add more pictures of chicks to my page and i can list Milla Jovovich as a musician giving me another film and tv one. It’s true, she’s got mp3′s available on her page and stuff. Haven’t heard them though as they are probably rubbish and it will break my heart.

Please note i don’t necessarily endorse the music of the musician’s listed. Thankfully this has no bearing on how hot they are.

So in no particular order the film/tv category are as follows:

[Show as slideshow]

(From L to R): Alyssa Milano, Eliza Dushku, Jessica Alba, Megan Fox (though i’m pretty sure she’s stupid), Monica Bellucci

and the Music Category…

[Show as slideshow]

(From L to R): Alizee, Brody Dalle, Fiona Apple, Katie Melua, Milla Jovovich

Seems to be a theme there doesn’t it. It’s not that i don’t like blondes, i just prefer brunettes. I’ve never had a blonde girlfriend. I saw this girl briefly who had dyed pink hair, but the carpet didn’t necessarily match the curtains, not sure if that counts? Milla was blonde for a bit wasn’t she? Jessica Alba was well fit as a blonde in Sin city, but if i had to choose…

I digress…

So this pommy whose uppance will definitely come to him, mentions the folklore of our esteemed prime minister Bob Hawke whose wikipedia page is where today’s journey begins. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Hawke)

Really only one thing to note for most people who don’t give two shit’s about politics, and that can be found in the ‘Early Life and Education’ section. Specifically:

His academic achievements were complemented by setting a new world speed record for beer drinking: a yard glass (approximately 3 imperial pints or 1.7 litres) in eleven seconds.[8] In his memoirs, Hawke suggested that this single feat may have contributed to his political success more than any other, by endearing him to a voting population with a strong beer culture. [9]

Yes that’s right. The 23rd leader of our country was in the Guinness Book of Records for chugging a beer!

Seeing as i can only ever distinctly remember him and John Howard running my country i decided to click on the ‘Prime Minister of Australia’ to see who had been the longest serving. Apparently Mr Sheen, Johhnny Howard was at 11 years 8 months and 23 Days. Then i noticed a fellow from the Country party (which i didn’t even know existed) was Prime Minister for 23 days so i thought i better check out what the story was there.

Turns out John McEwen was the Country Party leader at the time when Harold Holt went for a swim and never came back. When the search proved fruitless, McEwen was sworn in on the pretense that it was to be a short-lived position till a suitable replacement was elected by the liberal party. The person they proposed was William McMahon, who McEwen despised personally ‘possibly due to his rumoured homosexuality’. The plot thickens.

Over to Billy McMahon’s page and a quick perusal finds out he remained unpopular with colleagues despite being highly capable, and there were frequent rumours about his homosexuality. Despite these rumours he later married aged 57 and had a three children, including a son Julian McMahon. Sound Familiar?

Julian McMahon is an Australian actor and former fashion model most noted for his role as womanising platic surgeon Christian Troy on Nip/Tuck and also Cole Turner in the series Charmed. Dad – allegedly homosexual prime minister of Australia, son model/actor in American soaps whose career began on Home and Away and was married to Dannii Minogue. Kind of writes itself doesn’t it.

From there i swiftly went through charmed and ended up on Alyssa Milano…well her page anyway…

Six clicks from Bob Hawke and you get Alyssa Milano. Perhaps if more political discussions led to Alyssa Milano i would take more of an avid interest in politics. Perhaps.