As much as i’d like to write right now i just want to sleep to be honest and the temptation of stretching out across the 4 seats is too much for me to bear with. I’m going to watch a bit of Shrek Forever After while i wait for them to collect the trays..i didn’t see the second one but i trust it doesn’t rely too much on an ongoing storyline. It’s about Wayne Rooney being married to that Belgian tennis player right? That’s the problem with flying so much with the one airline in the same month…i’ve seen just about every one of their movies worth seeing. On the way from Perth i watched two movies…um…Iron Man 2…again…and some other one that slips my mind at the moment…must have been special.

Old Soundgarden was pretty good…i wonder if we could all chip in and pay for Chris to get his head surgically reduced so that we can get it out of his arse…

Perth was pretty good in the end…though i wish i had a bit longer. We had breakfast slash lunch on the beach…im not calling it brunch cause i would have to punch myself in the throat if i said we had brunch…pretentious fucks! AND..we even got to see some whales…not every day you see some whales while you’re having lunch…possibly while having brunch though…AND we were greeted by a Ukulele quartet playing Richie Valens or something…today was a good day.

So i slept about 6 hours i guess? Watched the second half of Shrek…Shrek dies.

Oh yeah, spoiler alert…Sorry my bad.

I hate fuckers wearing scarves, but i hate fuckers even more who wear scarves and t-shirts…

People were a lot happier back home than here. A lot friendlier and helpful as well. It’s not this prescribed friendliness either…you know where you are expected to say hello and good morning when entering and leaving an elevator, doctor’s surgery etc…That’s why i won’t go to doctors over here. I’d rather be sick than be forced to speak to people i ordinarily wouldn’t be talking to, just because i’m in the same room as them. It’s like running into Aussies overseas, or worse, someone that you went to school with. I was watching this Aussie band doing an acoustic set in some pub in London once and went to the jacks. This fella behind me just says “Tomi Hendrix.”
I turn around, “Ahh yeah..”
“You don’t know me but i know you. I was at your school a few years below you.”
“Fucking awesome. Now if you don’t mind i have my cock in my hand and it sounds like you may have even been stalking me at some point so i’d kind of like to go now.”
“We should catch up sometime and have a beer?”
“Yeah that’d be swell.”

Tossbag. I mean if i didn’t know you, let alone speak to you at school, what makes you think i want to speak to you now?

But at home it just felt nicer. It wasn’t forced. People just helped you, had little jokes with you. Were friendly. Were aware of their space. I miss that. I don’t want to be here any more.

I can not watch this enough..

So i just picked up a copy of Drum Media…for the non-Aussies (my entire audience) it’s a free newspaper in pubs and cafe’s and music stores etc that just covers live music and cd releases etc…i’d forgotten how good it is. They should take this shit global. I’m on about page three and they have a half page advert for Manning Bar which was one of the shitty bars at my uni..it was full of pretentious wankers, but not the poncy type…the other type…the professional student hippy save the seahorses vegan neo-political fuckwits. I probably should have put post-something in there as well…Professional student hippy save the seahorses vegan neo-political post-anarchic fuckwits. Them.

Anyway apparently now they have pretty decent bands. According to this ad they will showcase Regurgitator, the New Pornographers, and the Misfits, plus a whole heap of other American and Swedish bands…wtf? I would never have passed uni if the bar had bands every night. I did get to see Screaming Jets..well two songs before i got kicked out at a uni party. Apparently you shouldn’t tell the supporting act that they are shit and should play some pilots…repeatedly..

Hah Club Blink is opening again…wonder how long it will last this time…that’s the first place i ever danced!

Anyway back to my post..

31 songs…Is this the Hornby book you were reading Squires? I read the book but didn’t really take much from it. It kind of suggested to me that he wanted to paint himself as a music snob – which im all for – and i can see from his other books that he is very knowledgeable and opinionated on the topic, but it just didn’t really go anywhere. I just don’t remember coming away with an overriding feeling from the book of…oh that’s what it was about, it Kind of just meanders on. Maybe i should read it again, it has been some years since i put the book down for the last time. I think i bought it at the airport when i left Australia for the first time.

From memory he was linking some songs throughout his childhood / experiences to key moments? Like i said i could be way off there, but that’s the theme i am going to run with today so let’s just pretend. You see i seem to have associated various songs with different girls / women who have had an impact on my life. Some good, some bad, but an impact all the same. The girls themselves have a different amount of significance, sometimes they get a song, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they get two songs. Deal with it.

Mostly the connection seems to be some sort of imaginary scenario in my head where i am called upon to woo them in some penultimate scene of a movie – when the chips were down, in a last ditch effort..he grabbed his axe and strode toward the stage….. You know something cheesy like that. Like an 8-mile make-or-break kind of deal. For other’s it is more a chance to unleash the rage built up inside of me, to give my 2 cents. Sometimes the lyrics just make me think of them, and if i were to perform the song live i would need to give them that dedication introduction that messes with the bootleggers…do i cut off the previous track at the start of the song, or before the introduction? If i leave it at the end it’s going to piss off a lot of shuffle listeners…

For anonymity reasons i’m not going to mention the names of the girls, though the more astute of you will probably be able to pick out some of them. Like i said, some people get two songs and the temptation is to write about them together but that might provide more clues as to the identity of the person. Plus if i stretch it out it looks like i have had more relationships with chicks…play-yer…

Love Song – The Cure

A song as obvious as this can’t really be tied down to one individual, yet there is a depth to the opacity of the lyrics which kind of strikes me. I never really liked the Cure till i heard the acoustic supplement to their Greatest Hits album which made me appreciate them a little bit more. I sit here at the moment without Internet, and my iPod is at my sister’s place, so when i try to remember the lyrics all i keep getting is A Perfect Circle’s mash of it with Diary of a Madman which is perhaps even more poignant..

Sanity now is beyond me, I will always love you, there’s no choice.

Raconteurs – Old Enough

There’s not much really i could explain about this one that the lyrics don’t already.

You look pretty in your fancy dress, but i detect unhappiness.
You don’t speak so i have to guess, you’re not free.
Maybe when you’re old enough. You’ll realise you’re not so tough.
Sometimes the seas get rough, you’ll see.

I hope you do see.

Trouble – Todd Snider

A woman like you walks in a place like this, You can almost hear the promises break.
You’re gonna make me do something, That I’m afraid I won’t regret.

It says it all really. Some people are just made to affect those around them…whether the affected likes it or not.

Welcome Home – Coheed and Cambria

You could have been all i wanted, but you weren’t honest, now get in the ground!
You choked off the surest of favours, but if you really loved me you would have endured my world.
Well if you’re just as I presumed, A whore in sheep’s clothing Fucking up all I do
And if so, here we stop. Then never again Will you see this in your life…

Ever Fallen in Love (With Someone You Shouldn’t've) – The Buzzcocks

You spurn my natural emotions, You make me feel like dirt And I’m hurt
And if I start a commotion, I run the risk of losing you And that’s worse.

I ran the risk. I can’t believe someone can die twice…

Want You Bad – The Offspring

Your one vice, Is you’re too nice

Either i’m going to have to dramatically change, or she will. We get on pretty good, but just opposite ends of the spectrum. You’re just too good for me. It’s not right. Dye your hair, eat a pizza, get drunk and we’ll talk!

It’s Been a While – Staind

It’s been a while since i’ve gone and fucked things up, just like i always do.
It’s been a while and i can still remember just the way you taste

I think she liked this song more than i did, but it still makes me think of her every time i hear it…ergo, it makes the list.

Can’t Change Me – Chris Cornell

I’m almost ashamed to put a Chris Cornell song in the list since he’s turned out to be an utter cockstain…but if i was ever to be performing a gig somewhere and noticed this girl in the crowd i would have to play this song and ‘dedicate it to someone who is here tonight…good luck with being you. I used to like who you are, not who you try to be…’

But wait, just one minute here i can see that she’s trying to read me.
Suddenly i know, she’s going to change the world, but she can’t change me.

Talking to a Brick Wall – Cooper Temple Clause

small things about you excite me, but then i’d hate to spoil the tone

Sometimes you know it’s wrong…you know it probably shouldn’t happen, you know you really shouldn’t even try…but deep down inside you can’t help but wonder what it might turn out like. It’s fine just the way it is. Just leave it. Don’t rock the boat. But…

I’m Lonely (But I Ain’t That Lonely Yet) – The White Stripes

This one goes out to a whole bunch of people really…i think it makes me think of a whole bunch of people and not necessarily just my Mum and Sister who are explicitly mentioned.

I roll over in bed, Looking for someone to touch
There’s a girl that I know of that don’t ask for much
She’s homely, and she’s cranky And her hair’s in a mess
And I’m lonely, but I ain’t that lonely yet

On a side note, I love Odette Yustman. Just saying…

Ok the clip below is something my sister just showed me. It’s got a fair bit of an introduction so either skip to when they are in the van or just put up with it. It’s well worth it. I wee’d a little. No idea if that needs an apostrophe or not but it looks really wrong when i take it out…it’s probably not even a real word.

You see, i had for some years now held on to some fictional sense of fate that i would one day end up marrying this person. She still is to this day the only girl I have ever cold-approached. I think most people who know me, knew of this, so this is nothing new to you – nor is my infamous declaration that i would leave any relationship i was in, in a heart-beat were she to take a change of heart and fancy. Just reeks of longevity doesn’t it? So why write about it if you all know? On the off-chance that she’ll read it? Not likely. She is too busy changing the world. No, this is a cathartic process.

With the relief of the crush gone i can now objectively assess the situation and its inherent irrationality. What was my plan? Apparently it was to sit back and watch her date and see whoever, and just be there in case she ever changes her mind. Yes it was the socially retarded tortoise plan.

The Socially retarded tortoise plan is not really a viable option children. Its success rate, it’s fair to say, is miniscule. It is only just above the pity relationship. It is relying on the person to suffer so many relationships with fuckups and tools that you start to look like a good option, and whatever the reasons for you not being a good option in the first place begin to be excused. It takes dedication and a certain sense of blindness to reality. It also takes a very long time. So you flirt with the idea of seeing other people, but you never really throw yourself totally into the game, just in case the hare trips up or something and you have a chance to catch up. All in all it is not a very good plan, and was unfortunately the one i chose.

But with the crush gone and the plan gone, the last stabling influence i had let into my life vanishes also. It’s not that i don’t know the difference between right and wrong any more in what i can and can’t say or do, i just don’t care. I mean, as Rivers wrote, why bother?

You could say my hatred for others has had it’s bridle removed…

In response to the age old adage ‘who needs enemies with friends like mine’ i once wrote that i was not taking on any new friendships, only acquaintances from now on, in a vain attempt to reduce the amount of shit that was raining down on me from great heights. Recent times suggest that this was not enough as apparently existing friends can reduce you to nothingness in the silence of a Spanish siesta.

Chris can say it better than me…you can’t change me…