I never managed to grow dreadlocks…coincidentally i never became a Bike Courier either…

I think i may have come up with a valid explanation. Everything i have whinged about with regards to German behaviour can be explained.

It’s peripheral vision…

Or, more precisely, a lack thereof.

Think about it. You know when you are on the train platform waiting for the u-bahn or s-bahn, and you have to keep studying the train map in front of you or pretending to check through text messages on your phone because there are 85 German people to your left staring vacantly in your general direction or past you down the abyss of a tunnel to your right as if it will make the train get there faster? It’s not that they believe it is going to make it come faster…it’s just that they have no idea if it is approaching or not because they can’t see any movement unless they are actually facing that direction.

Queueing or lining up. It is not that they have no concept of the people around them, it’s just that they don’t know you are there. Don’t feel slighted if they push in front of you from an angle or order before you at the bar even though you were clearly there before them. Remember…they only see the bartender, and then blackness to either side. It is not their fault.

Now that i think about it, I hadn’t taken this into account when i wrote about people bumping into me on the train. I don’t recall any of the people doing it having been facing me. They were genetically incabpable of noticing me.

Why do their footballers only score from corners? It makes perfect sense…the corner taker is facing in field to the goalmouth, with at least 7 or 8 of his team mates facing directly back at him. How best to execute a header? Face the ball as it is coming in to you…then turn your head when you contact the ball until you are facing the direction in which you want the ball to travel…i.e. the goal. No peripheral vision necessary.

Basketball? Totally reliant on peripheral vision. German presence? Slim to none. What, 2 NBA players in the last 20 years. A european championship some 16 years ago?

Formula 1…THERE ARE BITS OF YOUR CAR TO YOUR LEFT AND RIGHT! YOU ONLY NEED TO SEE STRAIGHT AHEAD! No wonder Schumacher dominated. It’s like a blind person…take away one of their senses and the other sense becomes stronger! Everyone remember him turning in on Damon Hill in ’94? Not guilty. Physically incapable of knowing he was there. Schumacher turning in on Jaques Villeneuve in 97? Not guilty. He cannot possibly see to the side of him. In 2006 when he pulled his car up going into the corner during qualifying to stop Fernandocunt Alonso from beating him to poll? He clearly could not see the road continued on round a corner to his right…

Still doesn’t explain socks and sandals though…

A blast from the past