Posts Tagged ‘Germans’
and now the end is near… - October 28th, 2010

Ok so I actually wrote this a few months ago but haven’t gotten around to posting it. Deal with it. So after a few less than comfortable flights i finally lucked out. Seated in 75E which probably doesn’t sound that good…except it’s actually the very last row in a 747, the center part…and there’s no one in 75G, F or D. That’s right folks…this little black duck has 4 seats to himself at the back of the plane. So at the moment i have what is left over of my beef ragout on the table to my left…my laptop on the table in front of me and a glass of red and my ipod on the table to my right…and the 4th table rested.

Should i stay or should i go? - May 16th, 2010

My website is up for renewal…The thing is it’s a little bit pricier than what i remember so now i have to face reality…do i really want to pay a tenner a month to “entertain” Squires and Marius once a week and my sister every three months or so? And i use the word “entertain” loosely…

I hate people that spell loser as looser! You sir are a loser! Courtney Love is looser. Actually Courtney Love is a looser loser.

What’s a foot doctor called? Podiatrist or Paediatrician? I need one, and i want to be sure i’m getting the right person. My feet are awful…one of them in particular. It has this kind of growth thing over the heel. i need about 3 months in flip-flops i think and am hoping to get a subscription for it. Havianas as a tax write-off…nice.

A vacuous husk of a woman - January 6th, 2010

H&M is not the place for sprint cyclists and hockey players. Seriously, even with my gut i can wear a slim-fit business shirt and the cut is good…but slim-fit trousers? I have to go up to twice my waist size before i can get my legs in without looking like the frontman of a britpop article band…

It feels like ages since i’ve written anything so i might be a little rusty. Sort of like Basketball at the moment. I’d love to see the German’s i play with, play a game with a full referee – it would be hilarious. It’s not a foul if you lose the ball people…these are called steals and turnovers. I’ve also read an incredible piece of tedium from Squires which may have dulled my creative abilities in telling a tale so apologies up front…it’s all on your shoulders mate.

When i grow up, i don’t want to be a pussycat slut - October 11th, 2009

I am eternally surprised when i encounter someone who walks slower than i do. I don’t even know if what i do is considered walking. I sort of amble. Michael Jordan can walk faster than me by jumping and letting the earth rotate beneath him. If i was in Zeppelin the chorus would have been “It’s time to amble on, sing my song” I should have stuck with my songwriting…my lyrics are awesome.
“and i got more rhymes than the beasties got songs about having more rhymes than other people, places and things”

Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon - October 9th, 2009

Never one to take more than i give, here is a little bit of education for y’all. Wikipedia is a bit like a pick-a-path novel sometimes. Reading an article on Australian sports fans being limited to 24 cans of beer for the annual Bathurst 1000 race and the associated uproar, some young upstart for the BBC has tried to claim that the title given to Aussies as big drinkers may be erroneous. Typical really – whinging frigging poms trying to take some other title off us. Let me just reassure you, we will confidently drink you under the table. The Germans…will drink you under the table. The Irish…will drink you under the table…then wake you up to do shots.

Look for the girl with Kaleidoscope eyes…. - September 15th, 2009

…at least that way you’ll know she’s a nutter. Seriously i’d rather find out up front and know what you are dealing with than at some stage further down the road when you are in too deep to make a gracious exit.
Comically, I don’t date anywhere near enough girls where i can pass these sorts of comments off without the girl(s) in question getting suspicious.

A priest, a hooligan and a bewildered Aussie walk into Old Trafford… - August 26th, 2009

I’m not finding things as funny any more as i continue to do an impersonation of someone that doesn’t care.
Another from the old Xanga days. It’s funny to read this actually to see that i once liked Tevez. That was before he tried to be bigger than our team. You can try to go against Fergie if you’re stupid enough Carlito, but don’t think for one second the fans will follow you down that road.

Personal Space – Germans and You - July 17th, 2009

Another import from the classic Xanga days…

I would describe myself as apathetic, except that i don’t possess the incline to subscribe to a doctrine.

Normally this doesn’t cause an issue…except in relationships…however i can see it getting me into trouble. Take the other day for example, when i was pretty much bullied on a train. It could have ended worse i guess.

God smote the enemies of the righteous - July 11th, 2009

I’ll try to make this my last German-bashing post for a while…i said ‘try’ peoples…So me and a friend got drunk in a certain Irish pub one time while he was going through a bit of a rough patch. In the course of venting, we decided to write down our frustrations on the backs of these free post card things for posterity. I now bring you, the aforementioned venting cards. I believe the premise was a collection of things pissing us off at the time…

Peripheral vision - June 16th, 2009

So i have my own website now. DO NOT be expecting more frequent updates. I am a man of bridled enthusiasm…

I never managed to grow dreadlocks…coincidentally i never became a Bike Courier either…

I think i may have come up with a valid explanation. Everything i have whinged about with regards to German behaviour can be explained.

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