I hate people that spell loser as looser! You sir are a loser! Courtney Love is looser. Actually Courtney Love is a looser loser.

What’s a foot doctor called? Podiatrist or Paediatrician? I need one, and i want to be sure i’m getting the right person. My feet are awful…one of them in particular. It has this kind of growth thing over the heel. i need about 3 months in flip-flops i think and am hoping to get a subscription for it. Havianas as a tax write-off…nice.

I’ve noticed i subconsciously manage to find reasons to justify my unjustifiable hatred of people. Example. The other morning i walked to the train station and there was a geezer standing in my spot. I’m not OCD or anything, but i am a creature of habit. So here’s this LOSER standing exactly where i stand every morning…surely he has seen me before? Anyway whilst i was forced to stand in my backup spot – which is nowhere near as cool as my usual spot – i noticed i just began singling out things about him which annoyed me. At one point he got out his blackberry and i had to really concentrate to figure out if i really did hate all blackberry users, or, if i had suddenly just developed this hatred on the spot to vindicate my hatred for him standing in my spot?

My mind wandered off before i could fully explore this conundrum but if i had to take a 50/50 for the television viewers even though i’ve already taken the cash i’d have to say i hate all blackberry users….

Then there was this guy to my left who was just pacing…i mean proper walking in circles of about a 2 meter radius and at a decent pace mind you. He was just plain weird. I decided not to hate him just in case he wasn’t all there. You have to be careful throwing your hate around willy nilly as people tend to judge you when you openly hate ‘disadvantaged people’. They have this universal immunity, kind of like Seth Efricans…

People like that last guy though intrigue me, as does anything that doesn’t add up. I find i get bogged down on little trivial things, just because they don’t add up, or fit the pattern. As soon as something makes sense to me, i put it to the back of my mind and find something else to normalise. Like at lunch the other day, we walked past a smart car with an Opel sticker on the back. That just didn’t make sense to me so i couldn’t let it slide. I found myself running through different scenarios of how or why this might have happened. It’s not like i cared…if i came across the answer i probably wouldn’t give it a second thought. until then though it just bothers me. I’m the same with people. If their words don’t add up to their actions i start theorizing. I’m not suspicious i just want to know how things work. I’m not as bad as a Psych degree pigeonholing people who stray away from the norm, but i do want to know why? Once i know why i couldn’t care less if they stayed that way or not.

I think this idiosyncrasy of mine would come in handy if me and Squires fully develop out Bourne-Stylee training. Do you remember in the Bourne movies how Matt Damon bangs on about all the things he notices when he walks into a room, like the exits, how many cars are in the parking lot, how many miles he could run flat out at this altitude etc… well we think there can be a practical application of such a skill. Imagine using the ‘Bourne Method’ (patent pending) when entering your local bar.

One could tell you instantly:

• Where the exits are
• Closest methods of transport away from the pub
• Areas where it might be possible to smoke inside the pub
• Areas outside the pub where the smoking of both legal and/or illegal substances is likely to take place
• Who i could bum a cigarette off if needed to impress a girl
• Which girls i fancy in the room, in order of preference / attainability
• Who i could probably go home with if i was drunk enough and needed a place to stay
• Which lads are likely to kick off in a fight
• Which lads are likely to back you up if a fight kicks off which involves me
• Where the toilets are, and the approximate amount of time it would take to get there pending an explosion from either end.

I’m sure we came up with more but i can’t think of them now and have already given too much time to this already. If you can remember any more, comments form below!

I hate how at work every day, some of the lights don’t come on properly in the morning, so it is really only half bright – not that you can really notice mind you, until the missing ones gradually kick in several hours later….every day….which is met by sarcastic cheers from the traders….every day. Never get tired of that one….

Handy tip for you. When you are working in a German office and the air conditioners suddenly come on at full power and your colleague jokes that someone has just requested air, do not reply with “either that or we are being gassed….”. The innocence and naivety with which it was said may be misinterpreted.

You know when bands put a little short introduction to a song on their albums but they keep this as a separate track from the actual track itself? Ordinarily this does not have any impact and will blend in seamlessly…unless you have your ipod on shuffle and it puts one of the aforementioned introductions from, say, Body Count, leading into a completely different song from, say, Simon & Garfunkel…

“The problem isn’t the lyrics on the records,
its the fear of the white kids likin’ a black artist.
But the real problem is the fear of the white girl
fallin in love with the black man.
And here’s to you Mrs Robinson,
Jesus loves you more than you will know…“

I cant believe how many Germans ride bikes with headphones on…for a people so anal about sticking to the rules you’d think they might pay attention the the ones where you don’t die if you get it wrong.

So, probably the reason why people love Coheed and Cambria and hate them at the same time…find below one of their song’s off the Neverender cd’s with everything from duelling Guitars, a talk box, singing into the pickups, a theremin, drum and bass solos etc… enjoy!

Ok i have another post written but i’m still deciding if i should post it, so in the interim here’s another old Xanga one.

I saw Johhny Cash this morning. He’d lost a bit of weight and turned German but he seemed well…

I Strongly suggest, given the opportunity, that everyone walk home drunk at least once in their life listening to my ipod. Admittedly this is a goal very few of you, if any, will ever achieve and i am sorry for this.

I suppose i have to give a bit of background information if this story has a chance of working.

So i have a new ipod now after my old one didn’t survive the journey home. A lot more memory to play with this time so i don’t have to be restrictive in what i throw on there. Anyways, i went through a phase once when i tried to ‘acquire’ as much of Mike Patton’s work as possible. Basically i would google and read as much as i could and try to find it. Similar to the endless search for the Nine Inch Nails Halo’s…i digress…So now i have several hours of Mike Patton’s finest and indeed worst creative moments scattered about my Ipod.

This is a good thing!

I think it is a sign of someone’s genius when their good stuff is sooo good it makes you overlook how bad their bad stuff really is. It’s the same with Trent Reznor, Maynard etc. They have all released some really really really bad stuff. Yet if you were to float an mp3 out there with a description “Rare recording, Trent Reznor, Mike Patton, Maynard James Keenan collaboration” it would move like hotcakes. Apparently hotcakes move really fast in America. Actually, probably add Bowie or Nick Cave in there as well for a bit of obscure credibility, Rick Rubin as producer and you have a hit on your hands. Pretty much they could fart in the general direction of a microphone and people would try to ‘acquire’ it…i digress a little further…

So during the day, my ipod is not that bad really. Bit all over the shop, but generally good enough that i don’t have to take it out of my pocket to skip through something. But at night, particularly when under the influence, it appears to take a life of it’s own. Do you remember the first time you saw the video to Aphex Twin’s Come to Daddy? Now i like my horror flicks, and possess a good consitution when it comes to gore and violence etc. I found Dr. Gunther’s Anatomy for Beginners quite amusing and interesting, not shocking. Remove the skin from a cadaver and hang it on a giant hook next to the exposed cadaver flesh…good idea! Have a naked live chick standing next to it so the geeky guy with better English than Gunther could point out what we were looking at…tops idea! Having a bloke with his bits out so the geeky guy could do the same…not so necessary.

How far can one digress and keep it within the realm of a digression as oppose to a loss in focus? Is there a difference?

oh yeah, come to daddy…this was truly shocking to me. The flashes of clips proving to be slightly more suggestive than subliminal…the little girls with his face. It’s truly chaotic and horrific…welcome to my ipod. One minute you have Foy Vance tip-toeing through a melody and then suddenly Mike is screaming in 7 different tongues at you, and then he’s gone… magical!

That was really a long explanation for such a small point…I think i have contracted Squires…is it treatable? :o)

Basically i have just tried to namedrop as many alt-rock (insert cool dark music alternative sub-genre here) people into this entry so when google sweeps over it i should get a few more hits from Internet Goth fiends…

Something..something..something..generic darkness…..
Something..something..something..bleeding…..