Seriously people, it’s time to set an example for the kids. Be like Bono and think of the children. Don’t cross at the traffic lights when the lights are red…walk 20 meters further up the road and jaywalk instead. Don’t be lazy!

Predictive text didnt recognise “schmancy” as a word, as in Fancy Schmancy. Fair enough its not a word, but instead of just saying no it offers “Rainbowy” as an alternative??? That arc of light in the sky over there reflecting the full range of colours is very rainbowy.

I fucking hate catchphrase humour. A joke really hits it’s funnyness heights the first time an audience hears it. Each time after that is a sliding scale downwards. There are so many ways to say something in the English language, why choose to use the same words over and over again? Be imaginative. Create something. I haven’t liked mayonnaise for going on 29 years now. This is not really news anymore (if it ever was). Time for some new material people.

After a little deliberation i’m going to post a heavily edited version of the post i had originally written. Most of it was reaction to hearsay which is how rumours and everything like that spread and would put me in no better stead than the others. So until i can actually confirm what was said i’ll just have to take it on the chin and merely make a few directionless statements.

I don’t believe all opinions should be shared. I’m not pulling a Keano here with a ‘do as i say, not as i do’ approach, but i truly believe some ideas are best kept to oneself. That may sound a bit rich coming from someone who publishes rants on a blog, but i do my best to keep these at a general level, and not to preach. My opinions are my own and can be ignored…i do not suggest that my way of doing things is the right way and should be followed. I merely point out inconsistencies and hypocrisies that i see around me. Why do i publish them? Do i think people want to hear this? Judging by my fan base of 4 loyal readers i would say no. But given that i’m rarely allowed to speak long enough to build up a point, i need some other sort of outlet.

I like how some people appear to presume they are in a position to delve out suggestions from their own ‘guide to better living’ at will, on the assumption that is righteous, altruistic behaviour. Ok i understand the care and consideration a friend can show towards another friend when they are worried or thinks that person is heading down the wrong path, but i think there are serious limits to this approach which need to be considered. It is entirely subjective to say there is something wrong with someone else if the person in question has not asked for help themselves. To then go about creating theories on how to ‘solve’ or ‘fix’ this problem which may or may not exist seems to me a futile exercise in self-importance. Does it make you feel better to create a problem so that you can solve it? If it ain’t broke, it don’t need fixin.

Somebody get Ja Rule on the line…i need to make sense of this…

At times it feels like i am surrounded by dogs on heat. This overbearing ‘need’ to find women seems like borderline desperation to me. The amount of times i’ve had a conversation with someone recently where their eyes have drifted off to some tail, or they have just flat-out interrupted the conversation to make some schoolboy comment about a chick is alarming. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a fan of window shopping and checking out the local standards, but i don’t let it consume my being where i lose control over all my other functions. Each to their own i guess. My outlook on this topic has not really changed since i was a young’un in Australia. I loathe going out to ‘Pick up’ with a passion. I can’t stand it. This idea of going out with the solitary goal of ‘hooking up’ rather than, and often at the expense of enjoying yourself is beyond me.

I don’t think it’s necessarily an age thing as i’ve always thought this way, but perhaps more of a personal thing. I think that i look for girlfriends rather than shags. Sure everyone’s had the odd one night thing…i wouldn’t take it back, but wouldn’t necessarily throw myself willingly into it again either. Just as a girl may imagine herself with the boy’s surname when they are dating (old fashioned girls, not modern one’s who probably have an issue with this and are possiblly fully justified in thinking this, i just don’t care either way), if i hook up with a girl i am imagining going out with her. Hence why i probably wouldn’t go into some of my one night flings again. Hindsight is 20/20.

I find it hard to justify going to ‘pick up’ places, or joints where people go to meet girls – clubs etc. I cannot see myself dating someone who enjoys going to those places. The only way that could possibly work out is if she was in the same boat as me and was dragged along by her friends, loathes the places as well and see’s the only chance of meeting someone is if they hate the place too. The odds of this are not high. Probably as high as a nice girl turning up to the places i like to hang out at. Same chances, one place i enjoy, the other gives me hives…pretty simple decision to make.

The thing is, i just don’t need to go and pick up. I have no urge to. No desire. I am quite content with things at the moment. If a girl comes into my life, fine – i’ll welcome it, but i don’t need to go out and chase it. When i actively want to meet someone – if that ever happens – then i may have to adopt a different approach, but right now i am in no rush. So when i make plans to hang out at my place or a mate’s place, i’m obviously not trying to pick up anyone am i? You’d think then that it stands to reason that whatever extracurricular activities i pursue during these occasions have sweet fuck-all bearing on my ‘chances of picking up’? I mean i hate to bring logic to the party and all, but i think it missed the invite.

And yes this was the censored version…Moving along swiftly…

As we are on the topic of girls, i had been meaning to pictorially represent my top 5 hottest celebrities as discussed in Portugal. Unlike some vegans i know, my celebrities indeed have names, and are not just dehumanised pieces of meat (oh the irony). Who the fuck is Zac Efron anyway? Who’s he when he’s at home?

I am going to cheat a little though to make my life easier, and break it up into two categories – Music and Film/TV. Basically for no other reason than i get to add more pictures of chicks to my page and i can list Milla Jovovich as a musician giving me another film and tv one. It’s true, she’s got mp3′s available on her page and stuff. Haven’t heard them though as they are probably rubbish and it will break my heart.

Please note i don’t necessarily endorse the music of the musician’s listed. Thankfully this has no bearing on how hot they are.

So in no particular order the film/tv category are as follows:

[Show as slideshow]

(From L to R): Alyssa Milano, Eliza Dushku, Jessica Alba, Megan Fox (though i’m pretty sure she’s stupid), Monica Bellucci

and the Music Category…

[Show as slideshow]

(From L to R): Alizee, Brody Dalle, Fiona Apple, Katie Melua, Milla Jovovich

Seems to be a theme there doesn’t it. It’s not that i don’t like blondes, i just prefer brunettes. I’ve never had a blonde girlfriend. I saw this girl briefly who had dyed pink hair, but the carpet didn’t necessarily match the curtains, not sure if that counts? Milla was blonde for a bit wasn’t she? Jessica Alba was well fit as a blonde in Sin city, but if i had to choose…

I should take this opportunity to mention that a lot of the things i write on here have been previously road tested on the unsuspecting individuals i hang out with. It’s probably a good thing they don’t read my blog cause then they would realise i am just going for extra mileage of something that has already gotten a laugh.

I have more fashion criticisms to add to the list of things that piss me off now that it looks like i’ll be staying in Frankfurt a while longer.

Leggings – i don’t think i have explicitly mentioned leggings on here before, but the more that i see them the more the annoy me. The ONLY time leggings are acceptable is if you are going to a fancy dress party where the theme is the 80′s or your favourite Olvia Newton john film clip. That’s it. And none of this wearing leggings underneath mini skirts or shorts – this goes for jeans under skirts as well – this is just cheating. You can’t get any credit for wearing revealing clothing by covering it up with more clothing. Are you going to put a bikini top over the top of a shirt next?

Peter Pan boots – Seriously, what’s the story here? Why is there a bunch of women walking around Frankfurt with these Peter Pan / Robin Hood floppy looking boots that go just over the ankle and look like they should be accompanied by an épée? If you complete your outfit with the aforementioned leggings you may as well be one of the merry men!

But see this is the thing. As much as these things annoy the fuck out of me, there is one thing that can override them all. One simple yet drastic flaw in male chemistry – the pant-line thumb. Advertising agencies have known about this for a while i think, judging by magazine covers and the like. You’ve seen it…some svelte harlot, tanned, bikini etc. standing there staring at you with her thumb resting gently on the inside of the waste band to her bikini bottoms, wantonly devouring you with her look. Take her hand out of the top of her pants and she looks like a semi-dement. What is this genetic weakness we have? It’s just a thumb?!? It’s like a pirate parlay. I could be absolutely livid with a girl and hate her guts, and she could put her thumb in the top of her pants and i’d be instantly aroused. Achilles had two weaknesses…his heel and the pant-line thumb.

Having said that, if Milla Jovovich or Megan Fox came up to me wearing leggings and peter pan boots i wouldn’t care if they had any thumbs or not, their power beats scissors, paper, rock and dynamite!

Have you seen what is happening to my country? We should have a new slogan for tourism Australia:

Missing the bible? We’ve got floods in the north, fires in the south, locusts coming in from the West and now dust falling everywhere. So where the bloody hell are ya?