I digress…

So this pommy whose uppance will definitely come to him, mentions the folklore of our esteemed prime minister Bob Hawke whose wikipedia page is where today’s journey begins. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Hawke)

Really only one thing to note for most people who don’t give two shit’s about politics, and that can be found in the ‘Early Life and Education’ section. Specifically:

His academic achievements were complemented by setting a new world speed record for beer drinking: a yard glass (approximately 3 imperial pints or 1.7 litres) in eleven seconds.[8] In his memoirs, Hawke suggested that this single feat may have contributed to his political success more than any other, by endearing him to a voting population with a strong beer culture. [9]

Yes that’s right. The 23rd leader of our country was in the Guinness Book of Records for chugging a beer!

Seeing as i can only ever distinctly remember him and John Howard running my country i decided to click on the ‘Prime Minister of Australia’ to see who had been the longest serving. Apparently Mr Sheen, Johhnny Howard was at 11 years 8 months and 23 Days. Then i noticed a fellow from the Country party (which i didn’t even know existed) was Prime Minister for 23 days so i thought i better check out what the story was there.

Turns out John McEwen was the Country Party leader at the time when Harold Holt went for a swim and never came back. When the search proved fruitless, McEwen was sworn in on the pretense that it was to be a short-lived position till a suitable replacement was elected by the liberal party. The person they proposed was William McMahon, who McEwen despised personally ‘possibly due to his rumoured homosexuality’. The plot thickens.

Over to Billy McMahon’s page and a quick perusal finds out he remained unpopular with colleagues despite being highly capable, and there were frequent rumours about his homosexuality. Despite these rumours he later married aged 57 and had a three children, including a son Julian McMahon. Sound Familiar?

Julian McMahon is an Australian actor and former fashion model most noted for his role as womanising platic surgeon Christian Troy on Nip/Tuck and also Cole Turner in the series Charmed. Dad – allegedly homosexual prime minister of Australia, son model/actor in American soaps whose career began on Home and Away and was married to Dannii Minogue. Kind of writes itself doesn’t it.

From there i swiftly went through charmed and ended up on Alyssa Milano…well her page anyway…

Six clicks from Bob Hawke and you get Alyssa Milano. Perhaps if more political discussions led to Alyssa Milano i would take more of an avid interest in politics. Perhaps.

Example:

This morning i was walking to the station. You know those times when you smell something, someone’s BO or some dog poo or something. So you look around and you spot the culprit – The big hairy man with pits under his arms, or the steaming pile of crap next to the tree. So you move on, safe in the idea that it is someone else and not you. Then you walk a little bit further and you get the same smell again. You look around, and that same bloke is not there, nor is the steaming pile of crap. Was it me then? And you start to have doubts. Then i remembered when i was younger i always wanted to screw with people by putting some sort of object that smelled, actually inside their nostril when they were sleeping, so that when they woke up they could smell the smell but not know where it was coming from. They’d be looking all around like a dog chasing their tail and could never find it. Like imagine if you put that little black stuff from the corner of your toe nails just inside their nostrils. That stuff reeks. And it never goes away. But then i figured that it might be like working in an abattoir, and eventually you would just get used to it, so i wouldn’t really get the value for the joke. Then i realised i was nowhere near to where i began the story. I had even gone off on a tangent from a tangent. I remembered once i tried to look up what a tangent to a tangent is called – in mathematical terms – cause i’m nowhere near a diligent enough student to have remembered that from school. I opened up google but went off on a tangent and began looking up other stuff before i got a chance to look up the answer. Now that’s irony Alanis.

So i thought it might be a good time to share this with other people. Just so they might get a feel for what it is like for me to think about stuff. I don’t know where it will go, it just goes. So i tried to recall how it started. Here was my second run through:

Ok there was the part about the smells, god i hope it wasn’t me but i can’t think of what else it would be? Wouldn’t it be funny if you put something really smelly inside someone’s nose and they could smell it all day – oh wait, that’s what i wanted to do as a kid. Why didn’t i do that? Oh yeah it would be like working in an Abattoir. Do i know any funny stories about Abattoirs? I bet there was a simpsons episode. Why do we use the word abattoir? It’s clearly French? Why not use Slaughterhouse, it’s American. We hate the Americans far less than we hate the French. I might use Schlachthoff. Ha! I know the German word for Slaughterhouse. Only cause of the place at Wiesbaden for concerts. Those gig’s on the weekend were great. I still have to write about them. What were the funny parts? …and then my mind sort of imploded and went to this grey numbness.

It started out the same, but just goes in a totally different direction. Same stimuli. At some point i decided to go into the cave to slay the dragon, about the time of the abattoir. Maybe i should have run away.

Consider yourselves cheaters. You just kept your finger in the page and had a peak at page 50 AND page 79. Both were kind of disappointing really. Maybe you should consider reading something else…